Yeah, so

I want to die in my sleep and it all.
All that I am. All that I ever and never was. All that I ever could be.
I want it all to end.

Vertex

Yet again

this corner holds me up

head on my hand

deep in thought

running away

brought me back

who knew

the madness

running in circles

could afflict
only the walls listen

Misery

Hands cover your eyes from behind you, and Zac Efron is lost to the darkness. 'You hurt because you're alive, Charlie,' is the last thing you hear before the film is paused. She didn't knock - she has the keys to your apartment, after all. A knowing smile mocks you even as you try to manage one of your own.

"Hello there," you manage in greeting.

"I'm back again," is the answer you get. You can only sigh in agreement.

"I guess I could use the company," you confess.

She clears a space on your coffee table, dumping take-out containers, soda cans and cigarette butts into a black bag. "I brought beer, love," she says before kissing your forehead. Humming, she walks to the fridge, handling everything delicately, like a celebrant preparing for a rite. Satisfied, she returns to take a seat beside you. She lights a cigarette and takes a drag before handing you one of your own. She pours beer into a glass and passes it on to you. You just swirl the drink inside the glass to keep yourself occupied.

"Now, tell me everything," she says without preamble. You turn down a glass, savoring the cold, knowing the numbness will come later. You tap the ashes into the ashtray and take your first drag.

Shrugging, you begin your tale, "last autumn, I met a boy..."

Paolo

I cannot keep chasing you

because one day I will tire

of stumbling in your wake

if I keep biting the dust,

one day it will grow stale

so off this beaten path I go

to misadventures that wait

I'm sure to fall someday

I'd bruise but I'll abide

no longer shall I twist

vain tries to fit your mold

broken souls must first mend

for love demands everything

as such we cannot yet love

while our pieces lie in chaos

I'm sure to fall someday

but falling isn't failing

maybe then we can fall

maybe then we can gamble

on tenses

wind time back. 

unwound my heart.

********************************************************************************************************

XI: wind-up

Hey, You

I thought I could leave you behind

Enemies

And the last and greatest of them lies within.